There is nothing like extended periods of wakefulness in the wee hours to spur the mind into fertile fields of curiosity. Inane, insane existential possibilities can circle endlessly in a brain addled by sleep deprivation. And a body somewhat dehydrated due to the expectoration of mucous, phlegm, sputum, you name it.
I must insert the disclaimer. This is just a female cold. Not the dreaded Man Cold which, backed by dodgy research done by a male (just saying), has “proven” that testosterone amplifies the effect of cold germs in the delicate male anatomy causing the victim to cry pitifully from the sofa for soup and tender loving care.
My ailment began a week ago in the depths of December, as the daylight hours dwindled to near-nil. I recklessly attended a Christmas concert for the kindergarten set. Upon pulling open the school door I was assailed with the coughing, sneezing, germy, squirmy masses. They were all adorable of course. The concert was short, sweet and delightful and, upon exiting the building, thought to myself, I may as well just lick all the door knobs on my way out. I knew what to expect. On schedule I came down with the standard symptoms 24 hours later. And faithful to the best medical advice I treated myself with antihistamines, Vicks and plenty of fluids so that the pestilence lasted only seven days instead of the normal week.
Throughout my ailment I was able to finish the shopping and wrapping, attend to my and my mother’s appointments and Tai Chi classes. I made a full meal at the end of every day and finished up some Christmas sewing projects. And during the long nights, when it feels like all your bodily fluids need to exit at the same time, my mind wandered into odd territories. Of course, blessed with wifi and bedside device I was able to Google all kinds of weird and wonderful topics.
Did you know, for example, that there is a significant difference between mucous and phlegm? (You will want to store up the coming information to drop into your next cocktail party conversation.) The former, the slippery aqueous secretion produced by and covering mucous membranes, can be manufactured in many parts of the body—and secreted from various orifices. (See how this is going to delight your fellow party-goer?) Phlegm, on the other hand (well, maybe both hands during full on expectoration) is limited to mucous produced by the respiratory system—and this is very important—excluding that from nasal passages.
After taking in all that information at 4.35 a.m. I had kind of lost interest and did not ask Google to find the medical term for snot. Sorry. You will have to investigate that yourself in the mid-night hours because today I am feeling better and have a long list of activities to occupy me: walking outside in the snow, baking cookies, watching schmaltzy Christmas movies and, oh yeah, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because my husband has been moping about this morning, whimpering and looking at me accusingly. The second week of suffering will be the worst.
With that being said, I would like to wish everyone a healthy holiday season. May we all emerge with our immune systems, spouses and senses of humour intact.
