A very wise friend of mine--who is my age and newly retired--in her first foray into the non-professional world after a career in education, stepped out at the beginning of the school year and attended a writing critique circle. And after one get-together she had to un-join. Her reason: "...the women were so obnoxious I didn't go back. God, what is it with young women? They get on my nerves. So desperate to prove how intelligent, independent and superior they are."
She got me mulling things, like she so often does. I agree with her assessment of so many professional, young women. I overhear them in restaurants, libraries and the aisles of the grocery store; their monologues remarkable--not for their content--but for the punctuation of up-speak. Or worse, the affected mechanism of letting one's voice slide to the back of the throat where, presumably, all authority lies, signalling the need to accept the wisdom dispensed, sparing the long-suffering smart person the need to explain.
I can't get away from these drones fast enough. Don't get me wrong...there's nothing like great conversation with other females. Given the right group, women will inevitably prove to be the most insightful, most supportive, funny contingent in a middle-aged woman's life. I worry that younger women are not there for their "sisters". Has our society become so over-sexed that they see all others as competitors? That would be sad.
It must be exhausting, the need to constantly prove your superiority at every turn. I can state unequivocally that I am extremely thankful that I do not have to perform as they do on a daily basis. Nor did I have to as a full-time working mom. It was all I could do to keep myself presentable, my baby healthy and inoculated, my husband fed and the house somewhat clean-ish. Forget pedicures, yoga, conversational French lessons, marathon training and spa days with my girlfriends. (Besides, I'm not nearly tall enough to even think about belonging to the demographic.)
How did the bar get raised so high for young women? They seem to have done it to themselves which is mystifying. Are their partners so evolutionally advanced beyond their fathers as to negate the need for professional women to keep all the balls in the air? (I suspect not.) It seems to veer toward the badge of busy-ness and/or a need to prove the ability to do and have it ALL.
I actually feel a tiny bit sorry for the partners of these polished, highlighted, be-scarved, latte-carrying women. Not that the men shouldn't be picking up the slack around the house and in the child care arena; but from what I overhear, the demands to be emotionally in tune with their partner, the expectations of sexual prowess and the ability to provide soul-mated-ness is taking a toll on the male psyche (and marriage success rate).
Maybe these women have negated the need for a constant male in their lives--and men can admittedly be messy, clownish and clueless a lot of the time. But there is something to be said for just being...being ordinary, being there, being comfortable. If I do pull on my yoga pants and comfy sweatshirt before dinner--not the best look at this stage--the guy at my table is okay with that. And he'll take out the trash and do battle with the raccoons after dinner too. There's something to be said for that.
